Here’s a newsflash for you: Not everyone is going to like you. I know, if you’re like me and anxiety basically dictates that you must analyze every single situation to absolute death, and evaluate every interaction with someone as if it were critical for your existence, then it is a hard fact to accept.
There are people in your life who you will want to please and you will want them to like you. Maybe your boss, your best friend’s new boyfriend, your mother-in-law – whoever. In our minds, the opinions of these people are a critical part of our self-worth.
But what if those people are douchebags?
I mean, suppose your boss is a real jerk and finds joy in cheating people, lies to clients, cheats at golf, and spends his weekends running puppies over with his lawnmower – he sounds like a real ass hole. So if he doesn’t like you, does it really matter? Do you respect that guy? Of course not (you just fake-respect him so that you can keep your job). You realize that he’s a really shitty person, so maybe he doesn’t like you because he recognizes that you are not a shitty person, and it makes him have to actually face his own shittiness.
Whatever the reason, my point is that the guy is not a respectable person and allowing him to rent space in your head (if it’s free, it’s more like squatting though, I suppose) by worrying about what he will think of you, analyzing every conversation, deconstructing every email, and stressing yourself to death worrying about his opinion of you is absurd.
I realize that we have a strong desire to control every variable in our lives, but the reality is that it’s just not possible. Humans are not good variables because they are unpredictable and act without reason or rational. You just have to let go.
You can’t do enough good deeds to please them. So stop. If it’s your boss, do your job, but don’t lose sleep about his backhanded compliments or read between the lines of his emails.
Think about it like this – imagine that you are a tribe leader, and you want to fill your tribe with really good people. Before you work about someone’s opinion of you, ask yourself – would I invite this person to come live with my tribe? If the answer is no, then evict them from your headspace. Immediately.
Seriously, it’s a freeing process.
Side effects may include: a sense of peace, sleeping better at night, pooping in peace (unless you have kids), having a clear mind without random and sudden jolts of doom, less fear of the phone ringing, less terror when receiving emails, more space in your head for consuming cat videos online, less ass holes polluting your life, more fucks that you can spend on worthy things like climate change or why there are more hot dogs in a pack than there are buns (I mean, WTF am I supposed to do with the extra hot dogs? Use bread? Are you kidding me?).