This post was written by my husband. I’m thinking that “One Thing You Should Never Say After Sex” should be a regular addition. Although, it’s not really “one” thing if there are many of them…. erm. Either way, for the record, this story is NOT about me. Let’s just get that one out of the way. Like me, my husband had a life and *gasp* sex before he met me. He has some cringey stories too.
Ladies and Gentlemen… I give you…. One Thing You Should Never Say After Sex PART TWO!!!
Also, CLICK HERE to read PART ONE in this series!
I was a unique high school student. When I say unique, I mean I was socially awkward and completely annoyed by girls. In a shameless move of experimentation and delusion, I was able to procure a girlfriend that did not attend my school.
I thought I had beat the system. I was cool. I had a girlfriend. I even took her to my school events to prove she existed. As for the experimentation, I advanced the relationship as quickly I could to to a physical state. This included sessions parked in her car in isolated wooded back roads. (I told you I was shameless). Then, I became content. The situation was for me working… or so I thought.
In hind sight I can say my choices became very selfish and increasingly stupid.
First, I didn’t end the relationship even when she left for college. I actually drove seven hours one way for a weekend booty call. More than once. I know I’m a man, but in my defense she was my only sexual partner for fucks sake. If I’m being completely open I had only kissed one other girl. (And that was a horrible train wreck with gratuitous and grotesque overuse of tongue by me.)
Second I got her pregnant. I wouldn’t trade my son for the world but this really compounds the first mistake.
Third I married her. The problem here is that our relationship did not evolve. Things broke down for me rather quickly, but I was stubborn and a self-appointed martyr so I was in this mess for the long haul.
That load only got heavier, and I grew further away from her. Our sex life fell completely to the wayside and soon months passed between encounters. I started sleeping in the spare room.
After about two weeks, one morning I came home from an over-night shift and went to the spare bedroom to sleep.
She came in and was uncharacteristically aggressive… I can say with no doubt it was top five performance for her.
Before she leaves me to sleep – bafflingly she says,
“My mom said that would work.”
I knew it was over then. The divorce papers were filed a few months later.